Let me get this out of the way – I know I haven’t blogged a thing in roughly 3.2 years (or so it would seem). I never did get that pesky top 50 list out that I promised. But really, who cares? Scant few read this, so get over it. If you get something quarterly, you’ll be fine.
So 10 years ago. Roughly the year 2000. Ruled. And I will tell you why musically using a 4-5 year room for error.
I spent the last 5 or so days around college students (well, I spend everyday this way, but work with me). And I came to the realization that our music was just SO much better. Let me use Spring Break as a barometer for you guys. In talking with some of these people, I got a decent grasp on what music was all over the beaches, and it disappointed me. Back in my day, we did Cancun for Spring Break. Other than the random techno spots, the music was f’n choice, man. So allow me to give you a current song that you’ll hear any random 20-year old humming, and it’s far better decade-old equivalent.
Current song – Bad Romance – Lady Gaga
The ONLY thing good about this song is when Howard Stern goes off and sings the “RA RA RA-RA-RA-RA” part. Yes this song is catchy. Yes I guess that if I were back in college I would have white-guy danced to it in a club. But that does not make it OK. I’ve given my stance on Lady Gaga before in this blog, so I won’t go over it again. However – she sucks. The only thing she has going for her is that she’s weird as shit and her songs are catchy. But she’s a hack. But you know what else is weird and catchy? Genital warts. She is the clap of pop music.
Decade old substitute – Outkast – B.O.B.
Here it is. It’s catchy. It’s weird. Eat it, Gaga. (Sidenote – Outkast needs to do something else soon.)
Current song – Anything by the Black Eyed Peas
So, the Black Eyed Peas used to be a pretty legit group, as far back as 10 years ago. And I’ll give ‘em this – they can write a catchy dance tune. But if Fergie tells me she’s gonna do something or that tonight’s going to be a good night – I might just jump off my roof. And my roof ain’t that high up, so I won’t die. I’ll hurt myself and suffer. How’s that for a good night, Will I effin’ Am? Where’s the Will.i.am that rapped on the Long Beach Dub All-Stars’ song “Sunny Hours?” I want that one. Not the one who tells me to get retarded. Their songs are all over the clubs. I do not like.
Decade old substitution – Big Tymers – Get Your Roll On
This was all over the place in Cancun. It has a great beat and you can chant along. Fergie wishes she could get her chicka-chicka roll on.
Last awful song – Kesha (I will NOT put the $ in there) – Tik Tok
Words cannot describe how bad this is. She’s like a fake Lady Gaga, and that’s saying something. I can’t imagine enjoying myself with a bevy of coeds to this song. I just cannot. Maybe I’m old, but annoying sounds and subpar singing just does not do it for me.
What tomorrow’s future should be listening to – Nelly – Ride Wit Me
First off – this was in 2000? Damn. Anyway, this is such a good song. I don’t know of any good rap songs out there these days with the same feel. Put auto-tune in this song and it would suck balls. Just like most everything out there now (except for B.O.B – he’s legit).
Bonus track 1 – Slimm Cutta Calhoun ft. Andre 3000 – It’s OK
I remember listening to this on the plane over to Cancun. And then many times after. SLIMM CUTTA CALHOUN! What do you know about that, kids? NOTHING. That’s right. I also can rap the entire Andre 3000 part. Dare me. I can do it.
Bonus track 2 – Jagged Edge – Where The Party At
I get that pop music has a different sound these days – but where’s THIS at now? I feel like for this to be popular now it would have to be run through 24 different computer programs and have some techno bullshit added. Shame.
I guess you always think YOUR era is the best, but let’s be real. You have the songs/artists mentioned, and then also shit like Miley Cyrus and Justin freakin’ Bieber ruling the charts. Scares me, man. And don’t get me started on the current state of popular rock music. It’s like you’re either Nickelback or you’re super indie and weird. But that’s another conversation for another day.
I’ll leave you with this. I’m only 29 years old and I’m bitching about the state of popular music. All the current artists I dig were around 10 years ago, more or less (and their music was better then – I’m looking at you, Ludacris). I apologize for sounding like the Grumpy Old Man character from SNL years ago (Kesha wouldn’t get this reference, and I hate her for it). But in my day, music was better and we liked it that way!
So yes. This is what I spent my newest, rare blog post on. I hope that, if anything, I cleared up to myself that I’m far cooler than most people are. In the immortal words of Slimm Cutta Calhoun, “It’s OK.”
P.S. – Colby Rasmus just hit his second HR of the night. And he probably HATES Lady Gaga.
